5×11: Holy Shit! I’ve procrastinated doing my write up of this episode because I was going to do it right before I was going to see 5×12 on hulu, but that episode was never posted, so I thought maybe Fox had skipped a week with the show, then tonight I went to see if 5×12 had been posted yet, only to find 5×12 and 5×13 waiting for me, which sucks because the air date for 5×12 was last week, which means that hulu’s been holding out on me, but which is also great because now I have two new episodes to look forward to. Yin and Yang and all of that shit, or, probably more precisely, the silver lining on my cloud of not have seen new Hell’s Kitchen in awhile.

So, 5×11: Andrea is still fucking annoying and the contestants got to go to the Borgata in Atlantic City to see where the restaurant one of them will be heading up is located – a big empty room. So, Andrea is still annoying, and it’s clear she can’t walk the walk, yet she still won the individual challenge which got her a free pass from elimination, which sucks because it would probably be her that would be next to be eliminated. So Andrea got the free pass, but she sucked at dinner service, which resulted in Ben going up on the chopping block and it looked like he was going to be eliminated, until Chef Ramsay decided it would be unfair to punish Ben when Andrea was so much worse, so he didn’t eliminate anyone, most likely because Robert had voluntarily left the show, so Ben, and Andrea, live to see another episode of Hell’s Kitchen, or I get to see them in another episode, a glass half full of water, half empty sort of thing.

Which brings me to Robert, who decided to leave the competition because he started experiencing chest pains in Atlantic City, because of which it was discovered that he has, or is likely to have, heart disease, so he left the show to get better. For my write-up of 5×10, I was surprised at that episode’s cliffhanger, which was Chef Ramsay’s decision to close Hell’s Kitchen, which I thought was a good ploy to make the contestants shape themselves up and do dinner service all by themselves to prove to Chef Ramsay that they are up to the job, especially since they sucked so hard in last episode’s dinner service, but it turned out the closing of Hell’s Kitchen was to allow the contestant’s to go to Atlantic City to check out the Borgata, which was not nearly as cool as the alternative I had imagined. Anyway, after Chef Ramsay told the group that he wasn’t closing the restaurant for the sheer purpose of shutting it down, but rather to send them to Atlantic City, Robert revealed that he had nearly had a heart attack at the shock of the closing of the restaurant and the snatching away of his dream of winning the competition. Heart attack? Chest pains? Any correlation maybe? Did Chef Ramsay cause, in part, Robert’s health problems and his decision to leave the show? Seems like a possibility…

Now, back to Andrea, who kind of doesn’t know what she’s doing, i.e., crab earrings? Rosemary spears for her chicken? I was a bit surprised when Chef Ramsay choose her dish, during the personal challenge, above Danny’s and Paula’s, who obviously know what they’re doing. But Andrea’s dish, which was just tuna or something covered in green tea leaves? Really? I’m beginning to suspect that Chef Ramsay might have chosen her dish, giving her a free pass from elimination, with the knowledge that she would be the next to go, and especially after both L.A. and Lacey left in the same episode, meaning the series would be one episode short for the season, I think Chef Ramsay choose Andrea’s dish knowing she would be next up for elimination, at which point he would decide not to eliminate anyone, in order to keep up the episode order for the season, but then Robert decided to leave, which happened before the personal challenge, which means someone still left the show this episode and this season is still one episode short, so who knows, maybe I’m just over thinking things, but I sure do hope Andrea is the next to go. The bitch is getting more annoying and whiny with each episode. Just put her out her misery, my misery, already.

5×10: Wow, I didn’t think Giovanni would be the first to be eliminated from the final six. He was doing so well, except during one of the early episodes where he just kept messing up on the meat station, even though he supposedly works at a steak house. But still, it seemed like he was doing so well… right up till this episode, where he just seemed to have given up.

Giovanni lost the personal challenge, but with six people competing and only one winner, it wasn’t like he was the only loser, but rather just a sore loser. He seemed to have given up during the punishment where he just stopped caring and stopped doing what he was supposed to be doing, which was unloading trucks, prepping, and, most importantly, competing. Then, at dinner service, he just couldn’t pull it together — he kept making stupid moves like opening and closing and opening the oven door and eventually giving Robert second degree burns. Giovanni was doing so well, but at least he went out in a blaze of fire.

I really hope Andrea gets kicked off soon – that bitch has been annoying ever since the beginning. And while I love Paula, and I believe her to be a shoo-in for the final three, it’s just kind of funny when she tries to talk tough like she was doing towards the end of the episode, but at least she’s earned the right to talk tough.

I can’t wait till the next episode. Is Chef Ramsay really gonna shut down Hell’s Kitchen? Really?

Okay, on my last post I guessed, of the seven contestants left, that either Robert or Carol was going to get the ax, and I was right. Hell Yeah! Although I was surprised that Carol got the ax, only because the men’s team lost and Robert and Ben were up on the chopping block, she clearly had to go. I must admit, I really felt that Ben, the contestant that I’ve been rooting for throughout this season, might get the ax, especially since he was fucking up at dinner service, and especially because he was the one person put up for elimination by name.

But in the end (*announcer voice*), it was Carol that was asked to leave Hell’s Kitchen (*end announcer voice*), and good riddance. This episode she was such a sad sack constantly complaining how the potatoes she was trying to make always came out so good and delicious, but yet they didn’t when she tried to make them… Anyway, she was the weakest link on the red team, and I love it when Chef Ramsay just eliminates whoever the fuck he feels like.

Now that there are only six contestants left, I think I might have to amend my choice as to who I think will emerge the winner, and right now it’s a three way split between Giovanni, Danny, and Paula, because they’ve all shown that they have what it takes to please Chef Ramsay. Ben, who at the start I thought was going to win it all, now I just don’t think he has the chops. He has a lot of talk, and a lot of heart and determination, but he just can’t seem to walk the walk when he needs to…

Oh, and what a stupid bitch that diner was that was so pissed off out how bland her carpaccio was that she actually approached and complained to Chef Ramsay himself, and I loved his response after she whistled to him, and I’m paraphrasing, “Don’t whistle at me, I’m not your dog. You look like more of a dog than me.” Awesome.

5×08: Oh snap, two people left the show this week? I can’t believe it. I’ve only seen last season and this season so far, so I don’t know if that’s ever happened before, where two people leave the show on the same episode. I always thought that if one person left the show before elimination, they wouldn’t eliminate anyone in order to keep the same amount of episodes per season, if they’re to keep one elimination per episode until the last 2 hours where two chefs compete. Now that two people have left the show in one episode, is the season gonna get cut by one episode? I hope not, I need my guilty pleasure.

So Lacey left, which kind of surprised me because she seemed to be picking up her act recently, but she just went bonkers on the meat station and couldn’t do shit, so good riddance. At least she went down in a ball of flames. She couldn’t cook meat for god’s sake. Actually, all in all, I’m a bit surprised she lasted this long for being such a whiny bitch most of the time. Oh well.

And of course I knew L.A. was going to get eliminated because I spoiled it for myself while looking up Jean-Philippe Susilovic’s name for last episode’s write up. I have to agree with Chef Ramsay, L.A. wasn’t a bad cook, just one that didn’t seem to have passion about her cooking, like she was just on auto-pilot or something. Oh well, good riddance to her too.

Overall, the guys kicked ass on this episode, with only three of them to boot. I’m still rooting for Ben, but Giovanni is gaining my respect more and more now that he’s showing that he can cook, and Danny too, who I first thought was a stupid redneck because he was proclaiming that he was “a god of cooking” at the start of the season, but it turns out the redneck can cook. I’m also kind of rooting for Paula because she seems quiet and kind and knows her stuff, but I really can’t see her winning though.

I’m gonna start guessing that either Robert or Carol are the next ones to get the ax just because I can’t really see either of them going much further, although I really want Andrea to be the next one out because the bitch is getting annoying, but she seems like she won’t because she’s so bitchy that she gets her way for some reason. We’ll see.

5×06: Man, I didn’t expect Coi to be eliminated, not at first at least. She seemed to be a good cook, but then I started remembering all of her f*ck ups from previous episodes, namely her continually messing up the lobster spaghetti, and I guess that combined with her failure to perform grilling hamburgers, which even I can do, makes her elimination make sense. Although I really really wanted Andrea to get the ax, because that bitch is getting annoying real fast – even in the opening credits she looks like a bitch. I loved how all of her teammates turned against her during the elimination, except for Paula, who I really really wanted to be for Andrea’s elimination because she seems the most level headed of all the females, but instead she choose Coi and Coi got eliminated. On a side note, I really want to see Carol punch Andrea in the throat.

Regarding this episode, I like the nod to continuity buffs like me where they brought back the gay party coordinator from season 4 to be a thorn in the side of Jean-Philippe Susilovic once again – awesome stuff. (God f*cking dammit, while I was looking up Jean-Phillippe’s name on the Hell’s Kitchen website for this post, I spoiled 5×08 for myself by accidentally seeing who got eliminated, f*ck me…)

5×07: J went home, not because of any elimination, but because he just kept f*cking up over and over and over again so he sent himself home before he could get eliminated, so good riddance. I found it really sad that he was trying to win the completion for his son and his wife. Honestly, Hell’s Kitchen is a cut throat competition and contestants have to want to win it for themselves, not for any other person because those people that they’re trying to win for just ultimately become distractions, while people that are in the competition to win it for themselves are just more focused because they don’t have to worry about anybody but themselves.

Anyway, my boy Ben is still in the game, but I’ve come to respect Giovanni a lot more now – he’s finally showing that he can cook, but I’m still rooting for Ben. I hope Chef Ramsay is rooting for Ben too, especially after he whispered in Ben’s ear that he wants him out. I hope that wasn’t true honesty, but rather Chef Ramsay just telling Ben that he needs to shape up in order to win the competition – Chef Ramsay’s way of encouraging Ben onwards because he sees something in Ben. Either way, Hell’s Kitchen is still a great show.

There’s this open letter up at ain’t it cool news here (http://www.aintitcool.com/node/40409) from David Hayter, co-writer of the Watchmen film, begging readers that saw Watchmen opening weekend to go back and see it again on the second (this) weekend so that it won’t have a huge second week fall and so that film studios will see that a risky, artsy, big budget studio movie such as Watchmen can make money and appeal to the masses and, most importantly, be profitable. He wants people to go see the film again so that film studios will see that a movie like Watchmen can make them money and hopefully encourage them to make more such risky and artsy films with huge budgets, but, there’s a hole in his argument.

He’s trying to artificially inflate the box office numbers of Watchmen by trying to convince people to go see it a second time. The rationale is, if Watchmen makes money, studios will make more such films. But when those future, artsy, risky films come out that only appeal to a small fanbase, will that small fanbase have to prop up the box office numbers of those films through repeat viewings as well? It seems like a circular argument to me.

I saw Watchmen opening weekend and I liked it a lot. It’s been a few years since I’ve read the graphic novel, so I can’t really say what changed and what didn’t change (although I would’ve still have liked to see the giant squid), but if the film doesn’t make money then it doesn’t make money. Maybe, instead of trying to manipulate the numbers of this artsy, risky, big budget movie to try to convince studio executives that a movie like Watchmen is worth making on such a massive scale as it was, even though evidently it turns it out it wasn’t really worth spending all that money on the film… maybe, they should start concentrating on making such films on smaller budgets, because the supposed $150 million budget of Watchmen was apparently a bad investment.

David Hayter’s trying to inflate the numbers of his film, which I think is akin to perpetuating a lie. If the film can’t support such numbers, then we should be honest and admit that, rather than lying to ourselves and pretending it can. We should learn from our mistakes, rather than gloss over them. I watched Watchmen, but apparently the rest of America doesn’t give a shit, and film studios should be cognizant of that fact the next time they try such a film again – it’s called smart thinking.

As a fanboy, I would like to see a whole lot of movies based on comic books hit theatres, but if I ran a studio, I don’t think I would invest the money to make them, unless we’re talking about Spider-Man which is a proven cash cow, but if we’re talking about films comparable to Watchmen, the money’s apparently best left unspent than wasted.

5×05: Thank God Chef Ramsay eliminated Colleen, especially since she wasn’t even put up for elimination. I like how Chef Ramsay doesn’t play by the rules of his own show. Honestly, I would have been fine if Chef Ramsay had eliminated either person put up for elimination, J or Andrea, because they just kept fucking up, especially Andrea, who just keeps getting more and more annoying because of her constant bullying her team to get shit done and do stuff her way when she can’t even get shit done. I also thought Robert might have gotten eliminated, especially since he was acting like a kid during dinner service, but he’ll get eliminated soon I’m thinking, just because he doesn’t seem to have the drive like everyone else. But, I must admit, Lacey’s continued to get her shit together. I think she had my favorite line of the episode when J was asking himself aloud what he was missing, and Lacey just said, deadpan, “lamb,” and shit, she was right.

But god help Colleen. She couldn’t get anything done correctly, although she kept trying and trying. She reminds me of my friend’s dog who keeps jumping on you and trying to play with you after you’ve pushed her off a thousand times and yelled at her to stop: both Colleen and the dog just keep trying to please, but they can’t do anything right and just keep making things worse and worse, eventually becoming become victims of their own tenacity. Hell, she couldn’t even spell “victory” right in the previous episode, which was hilarious (f*ckin cheerleaders).

But seriously, it must suck for Colleen, who runs a cooking school. Her career is over. Chef Ramsay, the best chef in the world according to himself, said she couldn’t cook, on national network television no less — who’s gonna want to go to her cooking school now?

5×04: Thank god Seth got eliminated, that guy was worthless.  He kept trying and trying, but to no avail.  I like how Chef Ramsay put it, “he had a lot of passion, but he was a shit cook,” or something like that.  When this season began, Lacey was irritating because it seemed like she couldn’t do anything, but she’s starting to show that she can cook.  Colleen on the other hand is starting to get annoying, and it doesn’t help that I hate cheerleaders and that Colleen started cheering with the little cheerleaders they were feeding.  Seriously, is there a more subserviant publicly accepted role than that of a cheerleader?

Anyway, I got a bit scared when Chef Ramsay called Ben (my pick so far to be this season’s winner) out of the lineup during the elimination, but thank god it was only to send him back to rest of the people not up for elimination.  I like how Ben is constantly being run out of the kitchen because he just tries to keep doing his job after he’s been told to get the f*ck out by Chef Ramsay.

Also, I thought it was kind of funny, hilarious actually, that Seth knew how Chef Ramsay likes his scrambled eggs, because so do I…

This past Friday night I was at a convenience store and decided to buy a lottery ticket for the Mega Millions because the jackpot was at like $171 million or some such insane number, so I spent $2 on a ticket, which doesn’t even get me two double cheeseburgers anymore, and decided to try my luck. I was reassured that I might have a good chance at winning some money because there was this lady in line behind me, she looked kind of crazy and could have easily been mistaken for a homeless person, who told me that she brings luck to everybody she talks to, and since she was talking to me, I would get lucky. The lady was a liar and I didn’t win shit.

I don’t watch much television anymore, I used to, but not anymore.  I used to watch a LOT of television, but now I don’t even have cable.  I used to be a big fan of reality shows like the ‘The Real World’ and ‘Road Rules’, but then those shows strayed away from featuring real people and started featuring only shallow selfish supermodel-wannabes, and then a plethora of reality tv shows (most of them bad and hack eyed) took over the airwaves and all of that crap drove me away from television in general and reality shows in particular…

…but then I recently discovered Hell’s Kitchen on Hulu and loved it.  I watched all of the fourth season in like two weeks (that was the only season they had up at the time) and I was enthralled.  First, it’s a reality show, but what I like about it is that the contestants actually have to have talent to get through till the end.

Of course there was a lot of drama and stupid people at the beginning, but what I found great about the series was that as the show went along and contestants got eliminated, the show moved from all of the backstabbing and bitterness and began to focus on the surviving people who formed relationships and friendships with each other and through which really made you start to care about them.  I thought the show was ridiculous when it started with Chef Gordon Ramsay yelling everything and anything he could to show his frustration, but as the show progressed you could start to tell that he cares about the food he’s making and that he’s trying to shepherd these young cooks to be something better.  If you need an example, just look at how he says goodbye to the contestants he eliminates as the show progresses – at the start he can’t wait to get rid of them, but towards the end he starts to give more and more encouraging parting words.

Anyway, I loved Hell’s Kitchen season 4 (expect for Jen, Matt, Sharon, and Rosann – those people were just annoying as fuck), and I’m glad season 5 has started.

5×01: I didn’t think Wil was going to get eliminated.  He was fucking up a lot on the veggie station, but he seemed to have a good head on his shoulders.

5×02: I wish Lacey had been eliminated.  She was just a sad bitch in the first episode (her saying that people like to hate her because she’s a pretty girl made me laugh), although she did kick ass at the fish station when she had to take over for Colleen, who, quite frankly, seems like she’s in a bit over her head on this show.  It’s a shame Ji had to go home because of an injury.

5×03: Charlie got eliminated instead of Seth, but Seth proved in the previous episode that he’s a huge fan and suck up to Chef Ramsay, so I don’t know what to think about that decision.

Overall, I think Ben has the chops to win the season.  He seems poised, self controlled, smart, diligent, and, most importantly, skilled enough to outlast everybody else.  Admittedly, on this last episode he was driven out of the kitchen by Chef Ramsay for putting out deserts before the entrees were even served, but Ben just seems like he’s willing to do anything to impress, even if his actions skip some key logic points.

Hell’s Kitchen is one hell of a guilty pleasure for me.  On what other show are you going to watch a 30 year old woman (Andrea) break down, cry, and continuously puke because she, and the rest of the girls team, had to eat all of the ugly parts of a cow (liver, hoof, tongue) because they lost a competition in which they failed to identity the different cuts of beef on a cow, while the mens team, the winners, got to eat at a fancy steak house as a reward?